It's a man's world - and his mother is to be blamed for it

So the cliché goes. For, a woman is feeble, sensitive, cries easily, and is physically weak. Also, she absolutely has to be a good cook and, hey, she isn’t a certified woman unless she is a home maker. Nobody ever questions that. I never did, because that is how we are brought up. We are the pride of our fathers only when we successfully marry into a family and die serving our in-laws. We are bred to make our husbands astronauts and pilots and to help them achieve their dreams. But never those that are our own.

How can we dare to talk about equality, this is a man’s world… equality is not even an option; not something we, the women, teach our children.

So, let’s save our time and breath and not talk about dreams, at all – they are only for men. So is respect and freedom. Women, on the other hand, can’t even walk down the street without being stared at, commented on and harassed. According to one report of Human Rights watchdog in Pakistan, as many as 68% women are sexually harassed when they step out of their homes. Mothers of Pakistan, you are not doing a good job, you are raising harassers and frustrated chaps who can’t imagine their own sisters being subjected to such acts, but can’t stop themselves from “complementing” someone else’s sister.

I won’t blame the men themselves for that, I would put the blame on their mothers. How can a daughter be trained to be so sacrificing, programmed so skilfully to “obey” her husband and pack her dreams, comfort and aims in a suitcase and throw it away into the ocean of indifference? Because nobody cares about what she wants to be, all that she needs to be is a wife and then a mother. This is what she was told, by her own mother. But that same mother is not able to tame her boys and programme them to respect the woman walking down the street. She couldn’t teach him not to whistle at every woman he sees on the road, to pass a comment, to not try to touch her, harass her, look at her or make sexual gestures to her.

When I discussed this issue with some educated women, I was appalled to hear their absurd argument that men do these acts out of frustration, and that harassing a woman lets out their steam. If a man is not getting what he wants out of his life, would he be justified for redeeming himself by harassing women?

Absurdly unacceptable.

In the end, it’s all about power. In our society, power has always been the mistress of the man. And we, the women, make sure it stays that way by raising our boys to be power-drunk and ill-mannered. The women who raise these boys into men are failing. Failing badly. I am not going to raise my daughter to be a shadow of her real existence, she will have dreams, hopes and vision. My son will know that respecting women who are related to him is necessary, but respecting women who aren’t is obligatory. So that somewhere out there a frustrated woman like me – who chose to write to let out her angst – would not blame the generation before her for not raising their children right. And I thank my father for giving me a voice. Let’s put a stop to harassment and ill-treatment by nurturing strong daughters and caring boys. Because yes, this may be a man’s world, but it would be nothing, nothing without the women.

Published in: 

http://nation.com.pk/blogs/12-Feb-2015/it-s-a-man-s-world-and-his-mother-is-to-be-blamed-for-it